5 YEARS- LIFE AFTER CANCER
“OSTEONECROSIS”
18”X18” | OIL ON CANVAS | 2021
“5 years ago on this day I went into surgery. The fear was very real not knowing what my future would look like. Being told that you have cancer is a big blow but I didn’t really know what that meant for me. Would I be able to reach that 5 year mark that the doctors were hoping for? What if I didn’t? I read that people who go through these traumatic experiences often don’t come back as the same person. Would that be me?
When I did come around from surgery I realized that I wasn’t the same person. I looked at myself in the mirror and saw a monster. Unrecognizable. I really had to dig deep to find the strength to man up and find myself again. Easier said than done. After all the treatment and rehab I was back out there in the world.
It was terrifying. I never wanted to be that person who let cancer get in the way of living a fulfilling life but the reality is there were big hurdles for me. Not having a functioning tongue would prevent me from eating out in public, missing out on gathering with friends. All I wanted to do was be a healthy man that did all the normal things I used to. My speech was so bad that people thought I had a learning disability and my confidence was knocked every single day. But the biggest cloud hanging over me was, “would I make it to 5 years”? The answer is yes! Here I am. 5 years have passed and I am living each day the best I can. I’m not going to lie, everyday is still a challenge and I have those really bad days where I don’t want to accept what happened. Life after cancer isn’t easy and whilst this sounds like a negative way to end this journal, for me it’s accepting that it is what it is. I know I’ll deal with these challenges for the rest of my life but just like with painting, I learnt that I can have good and bad days but just roll with it and things will work out how they are meant to.
Amar x”
About the painting.
This piece is titled “Osteonecrosis”.
“Osteonecrosis of the jaw, commonly called ONJ, occurs when the jaw bone is exposed and begins to starve from a lack of blood. Most cases of osteonecrosis of the jaw happen after a dental extraction. Osteo means bone and necrosis means death. As the name indicates, the bone begins to weaken and die with OJN, which usually (but not always), causes pain.
ONJ is associated with cancer treatments (including radiation), infection, steroid use, or antiresorptive medications used for osteoporosis.”
When I visited Dr. Todd Hanna a couple of weeks ago I had an X-Ray of my skull which confirmed that I had early signs of Osteonecrosis. Whilst it was overwhelming to hear the news that I would need to have some work done I decided to face it head on by creating this piece.
This painting is being donated to the office of Dr. Todd Hanna who has been taking care of me over the past few years. I can’t thank him enough for the level of care he and his team have given me.
